PRactical Relations

I’m sure most PR and communications practitioners have attended a class or course on assertive communication at some stage. But I recently learnt a whole new angle of assertive communication that is particularly useful for PR people to know. If you want to learn how to ask for what you want (with grace) and get what you want, then read a little further.

Communication secrets
I attended a seminar this weekend in Cape Town entitled “Communication secrets to change your life”, by international motivational speaker Colette Carlson, who is also a communications skills expert and “mentor” in the movie called “Pass it ON”. A major part of the seminar was focussed on assertiveness, which at first concerned me, because I can still vividly remember Mrs Janse van Rensburg’s explanation of aggressive, passive and assertive communication in the PR classroom – yeah, she was a good teacher and I have a good memory!

Thankfully, the content quickly moved into new territory and my ears pricked up at the term passive-digressive^TM. “This is new” I thought, and indeed it was a new phrase coined by Colette (hence the little trademark thing). You can have a look at Colette’s full explanation and examples of passive-digressive types, but in short, if you tend to hint for things that you want (“ooh, this bag is so heavy”), or if you like to ask for things so “nicely” that you circle around the question (“do you always keep the air-con so low?”), then you are using passive-digressive communication. You’re digressing from the point and sending mixed messages.

Colette explains that “rather than not speak up for yourself at all (passive behavior) or speak up in a way that disrespects the needs of others (passive-aggressive behavior), the Passive Digressive^SM individual speaks sideways. Rather than be clear and direct (assertive behavior) they zigzag around an issue by being roundabout.”

Now if this is sounding somewhat familiar, it’s important to know that this type of communication is certainly not helping you get what you want and it’s also often perceived as manipulative.

How to get your message across
Public relations professionals and marketers are expected to be communication experts, so it’s really important to learn how to avoid this communication mistake. Colette’s advice is to clearly and succinctly say what you want. Be direct rather than hinting and circumnavigating the issue.

Start by describing a fact or how something affects you (not just an opinion that someone can argue with): “I see the air-con is set to 16 degrees. My toes are turning blue”. Then state what it is that you want and look for agreement: “Would anyone mind if I turned it up to a more comfortable level at 20 degrees?”

You’ll probably hear a collective sigh of relief from every other shivering person in the room, because they were all too “polite” to ask for the same thing. We can really be ridiculous sometimes, can’t we?

Popularity: 10% [?]