PRactical Relations

I’ve attended two of Dr Demartini’s talks this week and I thought I’d give you some quick feedback before his third Cape Town talk tonight - in case you’re still um-ing and ah-ing about where to spend your Friday night.

Our relationships with people, whether personal or professional, can often be filled with so many misunderstandings and misperceptions, which prevent us from communicating effectively. On Wednesday night, Dr Demartini spoke to us about how to empower relationships and master the art of communication. Although it sounds pretty serious, he had us in stitches of laughter with his sometimes subtle, sharp innuendos and other-times overt, candid stories and illustrations. He certainly entertains as much as he teaches and inspires!

The Nature Of A Good Relationship:
In talks I’ve done for companies about media relations, I’ve covered the fact that a good relationship simply means that you give someone something that they really want, and then they’ll help you get what you really want. It could be giving someone money for a service you need; or giving journalists good, relevant content to fill their magazines, helping you get publicity. It’s all about giving and receiving. But when it comes to communication, we need to be aware and artful in how we “give” our message, so that we can “receive” the response we’d like.

Value Determination:
It comes down to awareness of your own values and those of the people you have relationships with. By values, I don’t mean the high ideals of honesty, ethics, liberty, etc. Rather, Dr Demartini talks about your priorities and the things (or people, activities, goals) that are most important to you. These are normally the things that you spend your most time and money on, how you fill your space and spend your energy.

For example, a stay-at-home mom probably has her priorities fixed on her kids and will spend her money on school books and kids’ clothes before even thinking of luxuries like a gym membership. A training athlete values his fitness so much that he couldn’t imagine not going to gym or buying the latest technology in running shoes and wouldn’t even notice the 50% discount on kiddies sneakers. Another clue to picking up on people’s values is to listen to what direction they steer a conversation.

Whatever is highest on your values is where you have the most order, motivation and inspiration. On the other side, you tend to procrastinate on the things that are lowest on your values, which have the most disorder and chaos. Every single person’s values are different and they act as lenses through which we view and filter the world around us. If you expect people to live and react according to your unique values, you’re living in a fantasy and setting yourself up for disappointment.

However, once you recognise different people’s priorities, you can start to communicate in a way that builds lasting and meaningful relationships, whether it’s in business, social circles or family.

Gosh, there’s so much more to this - Dr Demartini speaks really fast so you can imagine how much he covered in his 1hour 30 minute talk. Have a look at this video clip so you can hear him explain how you can determine your own values.

Art of Communication:
The art of communication is in communicating your values in terms of the values of others. Ask yourself, how can I phrase what I want so that it serves the other person’s values in some way? What’s important to me and what’s important to them and how can I link the two?

Tonight he’ll be giving a 1hour talk, followed by the screening of the movie The Opus. His talk, entitled Activating Vision, will cover how you can be the difference and live an inspired and amazing life.

It’s at the BOE Conference Centre (next to the Clock Tower, V&A Waterfront) at 19:00. Read more details on www.going4gold.co.za.

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